With only days to go until America chooses who will steer it through the next four years of unsteady waters, Mitt Romney oddly stated today that, along with bringing U.S. jobs home from overseas, he would restore letters of the alphabet to their rightful place.
"In the last few years America has had to deal with all sorts of acronyms and letters being used for all sorts of purposes," the Republican candidate told a large crowd here on Friday morning. "Take for instance the gay and lesbian community. All of a sudden they were no longer the gay and lesbian community. They became the LGBT community. A little while later they became the LGBTQ community, and we weren't even sure what that meant - was it queer or questioning? Now they want to add an extra letter 'T' in the middle, and an 'I' to the end, making it LGBTTQI. When is this going to stop? Soon I won't have to put Big Bird out of work - there will be no letters for him to work with!"
When briefed, Mr. Romney was told that the second letter "T" was for "Two-Spirited" and that the letter "I" was for "Intersex."
When reached for comment, Paul Ryan, Mr. Romney's running mate, made a verbal gaffe when he called it "alphabetized terrorism." "The current president has come out and made a statement that he is in support of gay marriage," said Ryan. "What he didn't say is where he was going to get the extra letters from so that my children and your children can still say their ABC's."
Election day is November 6th.
From Our Toledo Bureau